There, I Feel Better
Dang it y’all, I have to get something off my chest. I hate uppity folks. I have unnamed cousins who came to town to visit once. They decided to cook us a pasta dinner one night. (Big freakin’ whoop! My kid can make pasta.) They also served us a side of crusty bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
I guess they thought we were po dunk hillbillies because my cousin’s wife proceeded to explain to us that the oil and vinegar was for us to dip our bread in…
I wanted to look at her and say in a backwoods accent, “Gee, that ain’t how we do it here on the ranch!” but I’m a lady. There have been other visits when they cook or buy fine wine to impress us. All I can do is roll my eyes.
What really miffs me is that this woman really did come from the sticks in the Texas panhandle. When she was young, she didn’t even know what shampoo was. She probably used a bar of lye and sheep fat soap!
These same relatives were here recently for a family funeral. The rest of my family knows me very well – i.e. I spout off about inappropriate things every now and then. Mostly to lighten the mood. I absolutely loved the shocked looks on their faces when I asked one of my closer male cousins if his late father kept “it” in his pants when he was alive because an old neighbor of theirs had a son that looked just like him. Everyone else laughed including my male cousin.
I can’t wait to see my uppity cousins again. Maybe I’ll tell them about my last pelvic exam while eating a can of Vienna Sausages and slurping up a Buckhorn Beer.
Woman vs Wild continued
It seemed like the ride there took forever but we made it to our upriver launch site. The river was green, cool and clear. We set off and not 20 yards down we hit a set of baby rapids that upended my inner tube. I hoped this was not going to set the tone for the day.
We had loaded our drinks and snacks in an ice chest that we placed on a separate inner tube. In a move I was going to really regret later, I dumped my sun block in the ice chest as well. I had to keep an eye on Spunky & Cameron, so I ended up getting separated my sun block.
Our excursion should have lasted about 3 1/2 hours but the current was surprisingly slow especially since it had flooded in the area earlier that week. It was an enjoyable day all in all. There was nothing especially memorable about it unless you count the two turkey buzzards that kept flying over us. They would land a few yards ahead of us and watch us float by. One time I looked over and they were doing this fascinating “dance”. I can’t even describe it. In my head I wondered if they were communicating some macabre message like, “If they don’t make it, I get the fat one that smells like bacon”.
At the tail end of our 5 hour trip downriver, I started to really feel the effects of the sun on my bare skin. We got out of the water and loaded up to head back to our campsite. By that time my body started to feel like it was on fire. We unanimously agreed to scrap our plan to spend the evening in San Antonio which was 30 miles away. We all looked like lobsters except for the kids. Not sure how that happened.
Everyone was miserable. It was hotter than the day before thanks to our sunburns. We started to plan our escape. We packed everything except for our tents into Kyle’s car. Spunky, me & Cameron were going to ride back home with my sister and brother-in-law and Kyle & Ursula were going to be responsible for getting our gear home.
We grilled burgers and after we ate we all went straight to “bed”. There were no card games or roasting marshmallows for S’mores like we planned. I thought I would be so exhausted from the river that I would fall asleep quickly and actually stay asleep until the next morning. But that was something that was proving impossible thanks to my sun poisoning and the incessant chanting of those freakin’ katydids. They developed this crazy rhythm where I could hear them in my left ear and then my right. I felt like I was losing my mind!
I remembered my Xanex but couldn’t find it. Partly because I couldn’t really move without feeling like my flesh was ripping but mainly because that morning before we left for the day I “reorganized” our tent. It was also dark by then and those little Coleman lamps aren’t exactly bright. I was going to have to tough it out.
I finally dozed off but my bladder had other ideas. I tried to stand up but it was too painful so I “crab” walked out of the tent and it took me a good 5 minutes to stand up straight. I had prearranged for my nephew to walk me to the bathroom at dawn so I stood outside of his tent whispered loudly, “Kyle! Pssst, Kyle” No response. I tried again. No response. At least someone was getting a good night’s sleep.
I REALLY had to go so I turned to walk to the latrine myself but saw how dark it was so I went back to Kyle’s tent to try to wake him again. He still wouldn’t wake up. I’m not sure to this day if I meant to go pee by a tree or if I was actually trying to make it to the bathroom by myself – regardless, my bladder failed me. And let me tell you, urine on sunburned skin does not feel too good, ya’ know?
Well, now I had to wake Kyle up. I needed to take a shower. I walked back over to his tent and hissed louder, “KYLE!” and I poked him through his tent flap which only frightened him. He sat up and started screaming which in turn woke up everybody else. Poor guy, all he could see was a dark figure standing outside of his tent. He said he though I was a bear. I thought he was kind of an ass.
I waddled to the bathroom, took a cool shower which helped, then waddled back. I crawled back into my tent rolled over and tried to will myself to sleep. I assumed that it was almost dawn since my bladder was my alarm clock and it usually wakes me at the same time every morning. I asked aloud what time it was through my tent. My brother-in-law said it was only 11:30!!!
As I lay there in total darkness, my claustrophobia decided to pay me another visit. I got out of the tent and waddled over to Kyle’s tent and demanded his car keys. I was going to sleep in the car. It was stifling hot in the car but I could not leave the windows down because of the hordes of mosquitoes and gigantic daddy long leg spiders and those “effin” katydids! I couldn’t even recline the seat, remember we had loaded up Kyle’s car. At least I had someone to commiserate with; my brother-in-law was trying to sleep in his car.
I slept upright about 10 minutes every hour until dawn. I got out of the car in sheer misery and pain to get ready to leave the campsite. Trying to roll up the tent and pull up the stakes with my 2nd degree burns and the chills was not easy but we did it. We hopped in the car and hightailed it all the way back home. We can laugh about it now, but like my brother-in-law says, it was the worst night of my life. I vow right here, right now that I will never camp in a tent again… or at least not until next year.
Woman vs Wild
Katydids are pretty but loud
A few of my friends and I decided to float the Guadalupe river in inner tubes. I had done it before but on previous trips I spent the night in a condo – not exactly roughing it. My friend, Meli thought tent camping would be fun. I could do that, I thought to myself. I also convinced myself that both of my boys would love it. We made reservations at a “water only” campsite in the hill country. My oldest son quickly opted out much to my disappointment.
I’ve been camping 3 times in my life. Once in Colorado when I was a kid. About 6 of us slept in a tent. It was cold but fun – what did i know? I was 13.
The 2nd time my family stayed in a cabin at the lake when I was about 16. It was okay from what I remember. Lots of bugs and spiders but I could not recall anything making it a horrible experience.
The 3rd time, I was married to my first husband, so I had to have been at least 20 years old. We camped in a tent. For some reason or another, I don’t remember much about this trip other than there being a million baby frogs everywhere.
Even though I don’t really “do” outside, or bugs, I was determined to be a good sport. I borrowed most of my camping gear. My only purchases were a battery operated fan and an air mattress. That fan turned out to be the most coveted item on the trip.
Once we passed the horrendous rush hour traffic in Austin, the drive was pleasurable. As we drove into Boerne I was so glad that I had thrown all caution to the wind. Hill Country is breathtakingly beautiful.
We got there with just enough daylight to set up our tents. As we got out of the car, the sound of the katydids singing was remarkable (remarkably loud – more on that later) I had borrowed a 3 man tent for me, Spunky and Cameron, a 13 year old cousin of ours. My baby sister, and her hubby shared a tent with a friend, Ursula, while my nephew, Kyle had his own tent.
We started a campfire and relaxed under the stars. We made plans to get up early and head for the river. Boy those katydids were really loud…
We all retired for the night. I don’ t think I’ve mentioned that I have claustrophobia, have I? I tried to relax but could not. Absolutely, positively could not. I took 1/2 of a Xanax. Thank God I had remembered to bring them.
Having drank a lot of water the night before (remember is it summertime in Texas) I woke up right before dawn and needed to hit the bathrooms. Lucky for us the state parks don’t have port-a-potties, they have actual tiled bathrooms with showers. I walked to the bathroom alone – I was a little scared but I had to go! When i got back to the campsite everyone was still asleep. So I sat a lawn chair and fell asleep. That was the last time I got any decent sleep that weekend.
A couple of hours later the group woke up and we prepared breakfast then headed to the water. We rented tubes and waited for a shuttle van to drive us up river. Our shuttle drives up and its a 15 passenger van. There were about 21 people in line.
They crammed us into this unair conditioned van. I ended up in 2nd to the last row next to the window – the kind of window that does not open. In about 2 minutes after I sat down, my phobia reared its ugly head. I thought to myself, “breathe, breathe, find your center, find your center, you can do this, you can do this.” No. I. Couldn’t. I threw a kid off of my lap and climbed over my sister and our friend and who knows who all else and jumped out of the van.
My friends yelled at me, “what are you doing? get back in.” I did not care if i had to stay at the camp site all day in the sweltering heat. There was NO WAY i was getting back in that van. One of the other passengers took pity on me and made her son give me the front seat. I was MORTIFIED. Her son was a sweetheart about it, but it still did not ease the sting of embarrassment.
The driver finally climbed in after securing all of the tubes in the trailer. He looked at me and said, “Hey! What happened? How’d you get up here?!” My hand was half covering my face and I hissed at him, “I don’t want to talk about it, just shut up and drive.” He grinned at me and we were off.
It was so hot! I was really feeling guilty about my family and my kid sitting in the back of that van – I started to freak out again but by then we were on the road and the wind was blowing through the vehicle.
To Be Continued…
Identity Crisis
Just for fun the other day I Googled myself. I was quite surprised to see my blog, my twitter account (which I no longer use) and my Facebook profile listed as well as my comments on certain websites. I felt a flash of “celebrity” but it quickly evaporated and I felt naked. I’m kind of freaked out about the whole thing.
What’s worse is that as I scrolled down at all of the hits that listed me, I came to realize there is another Notcrazy62 out there in the internet and that other one IS CRAZY.
The other Notcrazy has had some bad life experiences so I shouldn’t be so harsh.
So, I’m thinking I should change my blog name. Feel free to offer up any suggestions.
Protected: You’re Having Something
Epic Fail
The diet thing is a no-go right now. I lost the motivation. Not only that, since this summer I’ve been feeling really short of breath.
I thought it was asthma. After seeing my PCP, who sent me to a cardiologist and then to a hematologist, it appears that I am severly anemic.
Not sure about the reaons why my red cell count is so low. I am in the testing stage right now. Hopefully its nothing.
In the meantime, I have also been really busy.
Having a kid on middle school eats up a lot of my time and energy. Spunky & Kota are so different from each other. Kota never wanted to attend school dances or be involved in student leadership committees. Wow, was he ever easy. Realitively speaking, that is.
I’ve also been working a second job. Its temporary and I’m not sure how that is going end. I am too tired to do anything and the financial benefit has so far been minimal. It has given me a lot of fodder for my blog, but like I said I’m too busy/tired to do anything.
Update: Anemia is under control thanks to iron pills. Still have not gone in for the suggested colonoscopy. $$$$$$
Where’s My Mark Darcy?
Up 4 lbs. this week. This blog is kind of like a diary, right? So can you feel the Bridget Jones vibe? I’m feeling it…only I’m not British, I’m Mexican and I don’t have a tall, gorgeous Englishman who’s in love with me.
I shouldn’t be so shocked – I mean I knew I’d eaten poorly this week but 4 lbs? I swear I couldn’t hear a thing today during the WW meeting. It was all drowned out by imaginary oinks and pig squeals.
I’ve got to get back on track. Fortunately the weather looks like it might be a little cooler in the near future so I can start my wogging (walk/jog combination) again.
During the 106 degree days we had last month, I went to a water aerobics class offered by the city. Athough most of my classmates were geriatric and got in and out of the pool using the hydraulic chair, it was a workout of some kind and I did see some results in my arms.
I’ve got to find the motivation again. If I could only figure out how to bottle up and store that feeling for when it runs out, I’d be a rich woman.
The only thing is the State Fair is looming in the horizon. I’ve got to lose some weight before then so I can enjoy my fall eating frenzy.
Queen Yo-Yo
I recently had a week where I lost 4 lbs. That’s big at WW. I was so proud of myself. But a couple of parties later and I was back where I was before the 4 lb. loss. I have been losing & gaining the same 5 lbs for the last 5 weeks.
My motivation is still there. Unfortunately my love for partying is still very much alive as well.
You would think that being utterly humiliated in public would be the slap in the face I need to get me back on track, right? Well, think again.
I was getting a pedicure the other day. The foreign woman sittling next to me was probably in her 60′s. She was with her daughter who moved to the other side of the room to get her eyebrows done. The nail tech asked her mother a question. I could see that the woman did not understand so I translated for her.
Shouldn’t have done that. I had to endure a conversation in Spanish when all I wanted to do was read my tabloid. I listened to the woman babble on and smiled every now and then.
She then asked me, “So, I see you’re almost due – what are you having, a boy or a girl?” I looked at her and fumbled for a while. I started to correct her but could not think fast enough how to say in Spanish, “I’m not pregnant, dummy. I just have a gas bubble and I’m wearing a sun dress”. Instead I lamely said, “Umn, no, no….A BOY.”
It just wasn’t worth the effort. What bothered me more that what she said, was my reaction. “Um, no, no…A BOY???”
What the hell? What’s even more strange is that when I stood up to leave, I held my back and waddled out of the salon like I was really pregnant.
Who am I? What am I? You know, I’ve parked in the expectant mother parking space at the CVS before and waddled out of my car, so maybe this is payback?
He Did It!
When he was handed his diploma, I wanted to yell, “There’s no take backs, right?” It’s a done deal. Happy Graduation Day, Kota
