Woman vs Wild continued

It seemed like the ride there took forever but we made it to our upriver launch site. The river was green, cool and clear. We set off and not 20 yards down we hit a set of baby rapids that upended my inner tube. I hoped this was not going to set the tone for the day.

We had loaded our drinks and snacks in an ice chest that we placed on a separate inner tube. In a move I was going to really regret later, I dumped my sun block in the ice chest as well. I had to keep an eye on Spunky & Cameron, so I ended up getting separated my sun block.

Our excursion should have lasted about 3 1/2 hours but the current was surprisingly slow especially since it had flooded in the area earlier that week. It was an enjoyable day all in all. There was nothing especially memorable about it unless you count the two turkey buzzards that kept flying over us. They would land a few yards ahead of us and watch us float by. One time I looked over and they were doing this fascinating “dance”. I can’t even describe it. In my head I wondered if they were communicating some macabre message like, “If they don’t make it, I get the fat one that smells like bacon”.

At the tail end of our 5 hour trip downriver, I started to really feel the effects of the sun on my bare skin. We got out of the water and loaded up to head back to our campsite. By that time my body started to feel like it was on fire. We unanimously agreed to scrap our plan to spend the evening in San Antonio which was 30 miles away. We all looked like lobsters except for the kids. Not sure how that happened.

Everyone was miserable. It was hotter than the day before thanks to our sunburns. We started to plan our escape. We packed everything except for our tents into Kyle’s car. Spunky, me & Cameron were going to ride back home with my sister and brother-in-law and Kyle & Ursula were going to be responsible for getting our gear home.

We grilled burgers and after we ate we all went straight to “bed”. There were no card games or roasting marshmallows for S’mores like we planned. I thought I would be so exhausted from the river that I would fall asleep quickly and actually stay asleep until the next morning. But that was something that was proving impossible thanks to my sun poisoning and the incessant chanting of those freakin’ katydids. They developed this crazy rhythm where I could hear them in my left ear and then my right. I felt like I was losing my mind!

I remembered my Xanex but couldn’t find it. Partly because I couldn’t really move without feeling like my flesh was ripping but mainly because that morning before we left for the day I “reorganized” our tent. It was also dark by then and those little Coleman lamps aren’t exactly bright. I was going to have to tough it out.

I finally dozed off but my bladder had other ideas. I tried to stand up but it was too painful so I “crab” walked out of the tent and it took me a good 5 minutes to stand up straight. I had prearranged for my nephew to walk me to the bathroom at dawn so I stood outside of his tent whispered loudly, “Kyle! Pssst, Kyle” No response. I tried again. No response. At least someone was getting a good night’s sleep.

I REALLY had to go so I turned to walk to the latrine myself but saw how dark it was so I went back to Kyle’s tent to try to wake him again. He still wouldn’t wake up. I’m not sure to this day if I meant to go pee by a tree or if I was actually trying to make it to the bathroom by myself – regardless, my bladder failed me. And let me tell you, urine on sunburned skin does not feel too good, ya’ know?

Well, now I had to wake Kyle up. I needed to take a shower. I walked back over to his tent and hissed louder, “KYLE!” and I poked him through his tent flap which only frightened him. He sat up and started screaming which in turn woke up everybody else. Poor guy, all he could see was a dark figure standing outside of his tent. He said he though I was a bear. I thought he was kind of an ass.

I waddled to the bathroom, took a cool shower which helped, then waddled back. I crawled back into my tent rolled over and tried to will myself to sleep. I assumed that it was almost dawn since my bladder was my alarm clock and it usually wakes me at the same time every morning. I asked aloud what time it was through my tent. My brother-in-law said it was only 11:30!!!

As I lay there in total darkness, my claustrophobia decided to pay me another visit. I got out of the tent and waddled over to Kyle’s tent and demanded his car keys. I was going to sleep in the car. It was stifling hot in the car but I could not leave the windows down because of the hordes of mosquitoes and gigantic daddy long leg spiders and those “effin” katydids! I couldn’t even recline the seat, remember we had loaded up Kyle’s car. At least I had someone to commiserate with; my brother-in-law was trying to sleep in his car.

I slept upright about 10 minutes every hour until dawn. I got out of the car in sheer misery and pain to get ready to leave the campsite. Trying to roll up the tent and pull up the stakes with my 2nd degree burns and the chills was not easy but we did it. We hopped in the car and hightailed it all the way back home. We can laugh about it now, but like my brother-in-law says, it was the worst night of my life. I vow right here, right now that I will never camp in a tent again… or at least not until next year.